|Captains Log, Skate Date : 17.04.2011
2 more sleeps.
It’s been a strange week. Last weekend I was at Daylesford to watch some of the ssrd girls help in the Ballarat v Bendigo bout. When we got there I was so pumped, seeing the wooden floor I just wanted to strap on some skates and go for it! Then 15 minutes later I was all “omgs lol I am not ready for this >_<” Another 15 minutes later I was super pumped again especially after I managed to convince myself everything was ok because all focus is on the jammers and not the blockers. That’s right blitz, you can just fly under the radar…
That is pretty much how my week has been up to this point. Moments of excitement peppered with a good helping of absolute despair and tummy butterflies.
I swear this last month I have been making my way through the 7 stages of grief:
- Shock – I passed my green star WTF !
- Denial - It’s ok I won’t pass my written, something bad will happen between now and the bout and I won’t have to skate.
- Bargaining - Maybe I can dreadlock someone from another league and get them to play as me?
- Guilt - How come I get to bout and all those other lovelies have to miss out this time?
- Anger – Argh my knee ! Why are you doing this to me you horrible c-bomb.
- Depression – I’m going to be terrible, everyone’s going to think I’m a massive douchette.
- Acceptance and Hope – This is where I think I’m at now. I know this is happening and I just hope that I have a good time. winning is a bonus.
Anyone that knows me well knows that I am quite uncomfortable in situations with large groups of people. In uni I even chose not to take on some of the easier and fun subjects/modules because I knew there would be an oral presentation as part of the assessment.
The trouble is I get embarrassed way too easily sometimes and then I get embarrassed for being embarrassed over something so stupid in the first place… it’s a vicious cycle. This fear is one of the reasons I chose to do derby, to get out of my comfort zone and to harden the eff up and learn to not take myself and everything else so seriously. It seems like a bit of a contradiction when you see how I decide to have my hair and they way I dress sometimes but I really don’t like attention…at the same time however I still chose to do things that bring me attention, some positive and some not so. Either way, bouting in public is hopefully going to help conquer one of my life long fears of performing in public.
We have our last charmers training session tonight. Possibly the last time I’ll be on skates until Saturday. Although I may put them on anyway and roll around the house between now and then along with my new official charmers bouting top and cute booty shorts. The shorts were hand made lovingly by our very own “Flyin’ Nun Chucker”. Check out her eff bee page Brusin Betty.
Last night I tried out my new atom jukes at rama and fell instantly in love. So much more agility and speed. I can also really feel the difference in weight. I am now left with a dilemma, should I just use my new sexy green alloy jukes or should I change to my softer, taller, heavier poisons for the wooden floor?… argh I should have left trying on the new wheels until after the bout. I’ve heard the floor is quite slippery so I think I’ll have to play it safe with the poisons… boourns !
Well off to training…
Next post : Pre Bout Freakout part 2/3